I Love My Google Hits

So, I check my referrer logs every now and then, and I very infrequently get search engine hits. This is partially because the new site hasn’t started getting indexed by Google yet. But when my archives do get hit, it’s usually, um, interesting.

Sure, there are occasionally reasonable searches, like a query for info on Phil Donahue’s new MSNBC show, and I got a ton from the whole George Michael fiasco (especially from Europeans) but the rest... Geesh, I’ll just give you some examples, starting tame and going downhill.

First off we’ve got the rapid Asparagirl fans:

aparagirl+pic (resulting archive hit)

At first I thought we had a dangerous stalker on our hand, but it’s not that bad, as I think somewhere on her site A-girl tells people, if they’re all that interested, to do a search for her pic. I get these hits all the time, and I'm afraid they don't find what they’re looking for.

Next, we move from devoted blogger worshippers (where can I get one or two of those?), to those with slightly more disturbing fetishes:

passed+out+girls (resulting archive hit)

Now this poor, sick, bastard was just looking for some deviant pornography, and what does he get instead? A drunken Mojo rant about how much I hate rapists, where I’m pointing my accusative finger directly at him. I guess this wouldn’t creep me out as much if it wasn’t so common. I sometimes get 10 or 15 hits a week from this search. Today’s example comes from the French version of Google. So, how does one say “pathetic fuck” in Francaise?

My favorite so far comes via the UK Google

blowjob+machine (resulting archive hit)

Now this one links to one of my slanderous screeds against the cable news networks. I can only imagine what this person was actually searching for, but I (and I think most men) wish him luck on his quest to find it. Especially if it comes standard with beer-can holders. We salute you in your research sir.

These past examples have all offered various degrees of kink and psychosis, but the last one takes it to a whole new level:

dominant+mommy+piss+stories (resulting archive hit)

Wow. I mean, it’s got it all. S&M, incest, urine. What more could a super-freak want.

Now, I’m not one to generally cast stones on a person’s reading material (I usually have much better reasons to throw shit), but WTF? The person who searched for this has got to be the most fucked up individuals to ever visit this site, and that’s saying something. I don’t know how Google could have mangled one of my archive pages enough for it to return my site as a relevant match.

What the hell is wrong with someone who not only wants incestuous golden shower domination porn, but wants it in literary erotica form, so they can take their sweet time visualizing it? As always, I think the only proper response is to find a lead pipe.

So I'm curious, have any of my blogging brethren had any interesting referrer hits you’d like to share with the class?

*Update* It looks like Dr. Frank has a pretty good list going as well...

 

Posted by Captain Mojo at July 30, 2002 04:52 PM | TrackBack