Are These The Only Goddamn Choices?

So here I am, flipping through my local voters pamphlet, as I tend to do this time of year, when what should I notice but the page for Washington State U.S. Representative - District 7. Yes friends, this is Jim "Bomb Texas Not Baghdad" McDermott's seat (the McDermott website), and the district I live in. Of course, this traitorous piece of filth doesn't mention his little trip to Iraq on his pamphlet entry. In fact, this looks like the exact same statement he crapped out last election, without a single mention of war terrorism, or anything else of relevance to the last two years. But he does mention his support for socialized health care, which is great.

So we can scan down the page for a viable alternative, right? Well there are alternatives... sort of.

The Republican candidate is named Carol Thorne Cassady (the Cassady site), and her political views can be summed up in a single phrase: Dubya Groupie. A homemaker and teacher, she seems nice enough, but doesn't have a single thought in her pleasant little GOP head that wasn't puked out of some conservative radio guy's stinking piehole. Plus, linking yourself at the hip to Bush in a district where he is almost universally despised is not what I'd call a winning strategy. Once again, it's obvious the Republicans see no hope in the majestic 7th. No real surprise there.

Now before I reveal the name and party affiliation of the third contender, I'd like to give you a few choice bits of his statement in the voter guide, and you can take a guess:

It's time for us to solve our nation's problems independent of the two party system. As long as Congress remains in the hands of Democrats and Republicans, corporate greed will continue to destroy the economy and environment, and lead to a police state at home, and imperial warfare against the rest of the world...

...42 years ago, Eisenhower warned us that we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence by the military-industrial complex. Instead, the problem is now compounded by the corporate media and the corrupt educational establishment. Only with new leadership can we hope to solve our problems, and enjoy the fruits of the ongoing scientific revolution. I have been part of that revolution myself, spending much of my life developing alternative energy sources to avoid burning fossil fuels, which are polluting the air we breathe, burning up billions of dollars and leading us to war in the Middle East. Rapidly moving to a solar-wind powered economy, using hydrogen as fuel, would provide tens of millions of good jobs, and would solve all of these problems...

...We need to eliminate the IRS and instead tax activities which burden society, like burning oil.

Can you guess which party he represents? If you guessed the loopy Greens, you are a rational person with a decent grasp of reality. But you are also very, very wrong. Another democrat, perhaps? Nope. Technocrat? Nuh-uh.

Stan Lippmann is the author of this statement, and he is the official 7th district candidate for the Washington State Libertarian party. That's right. Official. Fucking. Candidate. Libertarian. Party.

There's more great stuff if you visit his election site (which was apparently designed by a dim three-year-old with a malodorous version of Frontpage '97, and is filled with bizarre images and numerous blatant typos). He not only believes that hydrogen power can relieve us of our dependence on fossil fuels (it can't of course, but I won't go into that here), but he thinks a European style socialized medical system is great (him and the big McD must be pals). Oh, and he thinks that rogue elements of the US government were responsible for 9-11. In other words, he is a crank, with what sounds like delusion fantasies. Great choice guys…

As you can see, Baghdad Jim is not really opposed in Seattle, and will bring another term of shame and disgrace to my city. I guess I'll vote for this Republican version of Maureen Dowd, but only because she is the lesser of three evils, and I'm sick of writing in Homer Simpson on the ballot.

Oh, and I'm done with the Libertarian party. I once thought of myself as a proud Libertarian, but no longer. The party that put this Special Olympics reject on the ballot for one of the highest offices in the state deserves its current obscurity. I've never seen a LP candidate, local or national, who wasn't a complete assmonkey, but I kept thinking, one day, somebody would come along and bring new life to the party. Harry Browne has to die eventually. But I was wrong. I see now this guy is the Libertarian party: a fine example of what it means to be morally, intellectually, and politically bankrupt. Harry Browne lives eternal.

I despise everyone remotely connected with this filth, and I'm now hoping the organized LP will just quietly disappear.

 

Posted by Captain Mojo at October 22, 2002 02:14 AM | TrackBack