I'm Sure We Can Spare A Few More Bullets...

Saddam may have several doubles walking about in Iraq, according to German ZDF News. Their evidence seems pretty crappy, but such a move seems reasonable enough. Churchill had his impersonator, and some conspiracy folks say Hitler's corpse, found by the Russians when they took Berlin, was really a double.

The only question is whether our intelligence services know where the real Saddam is...

The New Layout

Whoa. Emily Jones has a new layout.

¡ Mas legible !

Just one more reason to love the one and only Hawkgirl...

(my only complaint is that her current link to me is wrong)

Much News, Little Time

I've been swamped at work this week, so the blogging has understandably suffered.

In the meantime I've stumbled across a few articles regarding China's position on Iraq which might be of interest to my beloved readers. Where China will align when the UN Security Council votes on new resolutions is, in my opinion, one of the most interesting current questions in international relations.

Feel free to chat amongst yourselves...

More On The PM's Dossier

For those of you, like me, who missed out catching Tony Blair's speech on all the news channels, a BBC video of his speech in the Commons, and some responses, are available here.

CNN also has the transcript here.

UK Iraq Dossier

As I briefly mentioned in my last post, the UK’s much hyped report on Iraq’s WMD threat has been realeased. Get it straight from Her Majesty’s Ministry of Defense.

Tony Blair’s Gameplan

I’m been fascinated by watching the British PM Tony Blair’s handling of the current Iraq situation. Blair, who came to power as the sophisticated British version Bill Clinton, is leader of the left-of-center (read softcore-socialist) UK Labour party, and an avowed internationalist. Hardly the kind of European leader you’d expect to be backing Bush’s war on Iraq.

But Blair has consistently been standing “shoulder to shoulder” (in Blair’s own words) with the American President since day one of the Terror War. Bush’s speeches have been good when they’ve counted (SOTU, the 9-11 aniversary, the UN speech), but on the whole, his public speaking skills suck the king-sized Popsicle. Blair, on the other hand, has used his polished speaking skills to cheerlead the Terror War to the world. He’s sent British troops to Afghanistan, and has practically signed up for the coming Iraqi campaign. But why?

A September 7 DailyPundit post briefly answers this question. But while I agree that Blair’s support for Bush is based on a gut-level moral calculus and rational threat assesment, I’m still left wondering why he’s be so vocal in his support. The reason I write about this on today in particular, is this Reuters story, discussing a poll commissioned by the UK Guardian. The interesting bits are as follows:

The Guardian/ICM poll, distilled from telephone interviews of 1,000 adults between September 20 and 22, shows that support for Labor -- which has won two consecutive electoral landslide victories in 1997 and 2001 -- at just 39 percent.
...
The poll showed that disapproval of a military attack on Iraq -- which dipped to 40 percent from 50 immediately after the first anniversary commemorations of the September 11 kamikaze attacks on the United States -- had climbed back to 46 percent.
...
It also showed 65 percent approval of an attack on Baghdad if there was sufficient proof that Saddam had developed new mass killing capabilities.

Now, while I’m always doubtful of polls, especially ones coming from organizations as, shall we say, editorially opinionated, as the Guardian, this one has some interesting numbers. While the Labour support numbers could easily be spun to reflect poorly on Blair’s leadership of the party, but the numbers on support for an attack (which when you use the positive instead of negative comes out to be 55%) seems to suggest that he’s doing the more popular thing.

The Reuters story lacks two key pieces of information which I think are critical to understanding the current political environment in Britain: support levels for the other parties, and Mr. Blair’s personal approval levels.

Is Blair out-hawking the Torys? With the majority of his nation’s population supporting action against Hussein (at least according to this poll), is Blair positioning himself to capitalize on the more hawkish center? I’m no expert on the British electorate, but in any group of voters I’ve ever studied, both historically and modern, there’s a similar breakdown:

• 25% will be die-hard rightists, and 25% die-hard leftists, who will vote for their side, come hell or high water. The definition of right or left will depend on the era and society, but the numbers are always the same. These people are completely marginalized in two party systems like the US, and mostly marginalized in quasi two-party systems like the UK, as their votes can be taken completely for granted.
• 25-35% will be moderate, but definitely lean to one side or the other. They’ll get some attention from the politicos they support, especially if it’s a tight election.
• 15-25% will be completely unaffiliated. These are the folks who swing elections one way or the other, and the reason why most stable democracies retain relatively centrist governments.

Now, I think it’s safe to say that a good number of the 39% who currently support Labour will vote Labour no matter what Blair does (Hell, half of these folks still probably get all misty-eyed at hearing the L'Internationale). It’s like the black or union vote for the Dems here in the US. But 65% of the general population will support war if Blair can provide more evidence of Saddam’s dangerous WMD capabilities (which we’re just beginning to hear about now). That 65%, me thinks, is bound to have a good number of those swing voters I mentioned earlier. And those are the very people who brought New Labour to power in the 90’s.

With the exceptions of Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford, it takes both political savvy and intelligence to become a President or Prime Minister of a major nation. While some have doubted Bush’s capability in either area, I think he’s proven those critics consistently wrong. However, I don’t know of anyone who’s doubted Blair on either. I think the British PM not only shows fine statesmanship and idealistic consistency in supporting Bush in the current war, but is playing a mighty fine game of domestic politics while he’s at it.

By supporting the war, Blair can once again guide his party to popular victory, while cutting off any Conservative inroads that a war could bring. The only challenge I see to this tactic is the raw offensiveness of many of his subordinates and fellows within the Labor-left. While providing Fisking material for so many bloggers, I can’t see how these people can help Blair’s attempts to dominate the middle ground of the UK’s political spectrum.

Google It, Damn You!

Google's new news service rocks.

That is all.

Why Couldn't This Story Have Involved A Rope Or Electricity Of Some Sort

Angelo Buono Jr., also known as LA's Hillside Strangler died yesterday in his prison cell. He will be missed.

Actually, he will not be missed. In fact I think most people will join me in hoping that this evil, murderous, rapist fuck will slowly roast in hell for all eternity.

Nature of The Beast: Hegemonic America And Its Historical Parallels

Bill Quick’s recent post on the Bush Doctrine’s strike first policy, along with an article from Reason and an op-ed in the UK Guardian have got me going on a topic I think a lot about: The nature of America’s current dominance in world affairs. Bill’s right in stating that we are not Rome, but I’ve always found Roman history is a rich metaphor for America’s progression through history. I read way too much Yeats as a teenager, so I guess I’m a cyclicalist at heart.

However, when comparing the Pax Romana with the coming (or even current) American Hegemony, many people are all too eager to see the decadence and tyranny of the later empire, while ignoring many of the more benign aspects of the Republican-era. According to Roman tradition, the Roman Republic was founded in 509 BC*, and lasted until the mid 1st century BC, when the Republic collapsed due to corruption and dictatorial power grabs, becoming the Empire. That’s nearly five centuries of world-shaping history.

Rome had already reached Hyperpower status by the end of the Second Punic War in 202 BC. Carthage, which had long rivaled and often excelled Rome in power over the Mediterranean, had been defanged and contained. The civilized and rich Greek kingdoms were a potential competitor, but divisions among the Hellenistic city states allowed the Romans to form alliances that would eventually tie the Greeks to the Roman state for more than a thousand years.

For the next several centuries, the main threats to the Roman State did not come from the armies of large rival kingdoms. They came instead from internal strife (civil wars, slave rebellions, etc), and from the incursions of barbarians and small petty kingdoms more interested in looting Roman Territory than conquering it. These were one and all beaten back by the overwhelming power of the Roman Citizen-Armies, who used superior weapons, tactics, and, most importantly, training to vanquish their opponents. And the growing network of quality roads gave the Romans an amazing “Power Projection” capability.

The expansion of Roman power during this era was not simply military, though. Rome had come to dominate the economy of the Mediterranean. While conquests of Barbarian territory were occurring, Roman forces were as likely as not to be in an area at the request of local populations. Sometimes this troop placement was a part of a cunning Roman strategy of subtle conquest, but their primary focus was on defending the frontier and maintaining the trade routes.

The Romans were big into assimilation. Part of their success was their ability to take the influx of disparate peoples and unify them under the Roman system. Rome’s pantheon was full of the gods of the conquered. Rome’s culture was also infectious. There’s a reason why French is a Romance language and not some kind of Gaelic offshoot. When the Romans arrived, people stopped speaking the old languages in favor of Latin. You can’t force that kind of change on an area as large as that occupied by the Romans. The Balkans were occupied for centuries by the Turks, but Greek, Serbian, and all the other small languages of the regions have survived.

There was much about Republican Rome that modern American’s would find distasteful at the least. There was slavery, violent political scheming, an aristocratic class and political system, and a criminal system that was brutal and biased against the lower classes. Oh, and the state would occasionally conquer and enslave smaller kingdoms just for the hell of it.

But there was also much to be admired about the ancient Romans, especially when comparing them to the tyrannical democracies of the Greeks, and the petty despots which ruled the rest of the world back then. While autocratic, the various internal revolts and rebellions had given the masses a voice in the form of the Tribunes. Citizens had certain rights that were codified in written laws that were consulted by government employed magistrates. Plus there was upward mobility, both socially and economically. The children of slaves could become citizens, and through hard work, luck, and patronage, become a part of the ruling order.

While my Northern European ancestors were still putzing around in their late bronze-age tribal filth, the Romans were running the world’s first modern nation-state, with an educational system, laws, taxes, government bureaucracy, tens of millions in population, and all that good stuff. In relation to the rest of the world, they were a beacon of enlightened thought. Roman civilization remained unmatched in almost all respects until the 17th century.

Comparisons with Rome at the end of the Second Punic War and America in the post-Cold War era are easy to point out. Of course, direct historical comparisons won’t work, but the larger power relationship between the nation and its place within its world have a great many similarities. We are not Rome, but we are in the same strategic position Rome was in the 2nd century BC.

While our economic and military power is overwhelming at this point, the rest of the world could join together and probably defeat us, (or at least end up annihilating both sides). Like the ancient Greeks, the Europeans are comparable to us in terms of our cultural and economic capabilities, but are militarily weak and introverted. It’s far easier and more profitable for them to seek the shelter of our protection and gain access to our markets for trade, rather than seek conflict. And like the Rome-Greece relationship, America still seems to have some kind of cultural inferiority complex in relation with Europe.

Like the Romans of that era, our threats in the foreseeable future come from smaller actors intent not on conquering us, but on hurting us and weakening our power. The attacks on New York and Washington were the modern day equivalent of a barbarian raid. And, like the Romans, we will respond by using our military power to destroy them and conquer those who support them.

If we do not respond in this manner, we risk the fate of the Romans of hundreds of years later, when a collapsing power structure and ineffectual, half-barbarian leaders allowed the frontiers of their empire to be pushed back until ruins (and a universal church) were all that was left.

We do not need to directly govern the world, as our power shadows every government on earth, and every year our culture attracts more young people around the world to our way of life. Nor do we want to crush the rest of the world. In fact, quite the opposite. Contrary to what hard leftists and anti-Globalists would have you believe, most Americans want everyone to live in a society as free and prosperous as our own. And the world is gradually becoming American, not because we are forcing it, but because the rest of the world is lining up for lunch at McDonalds, consumer electronics, and Britney Spears videos, which we’re more than happy to provide.

Like the pre-imperial Romans, our ability to absorb and assimilate new cultures, while retaining a small set of core values, has been, and will continue to be, one of our greatest tools. We will defeat our enemies, and afterwards our influence over the rest of the world will be truly unprecedented. And don’t let talk of “Amerika” or Buchananinte rhetoric fool you, we are still a republic, and not an empire.

How long will the Hyperpower Republic last? Who knows? As a pessimist, I think collectivist forces and the eating away of traditional constitutional values will slowly lead to a more and more dictatorial political system, much as happened in Rome. But if that happens we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Global hegemony is unavoidable at this point, lest we wish to surrender our civilization, and all of its accomplishments, to those who would destroy it. However, empire is an entirely different beast from hegemony, and the choice between the two is in our hands. We must use force against those who threaten us, while helping those who seek our friendship to build vibrant and prosperous societies.

The vast swath of underdeveloped nations today should not look at American power as an oppressive threat, but as a beacon of guidance and hope. We are at a crossroads in history, and our dominance can easily lead to new golden age, or to chaos and disaster on a global scale. These next few years will determine the course of centuries worth of future history. Such is the challenge of the Hegemon.

*Micro-Rant On Dating: Use of the politically correct Before Common Era (BCE) instead of the traditional Before Christ (BC) is retarded. Even if you don’t mention that Christ fellow, you’re still using the dating system based on his mythological year of birth. Calling it something else doesn’t change its religious origins. It’s 5762 according to the Jews, and 1423 according to the Muslims (and I guess it would be the 2,755th year of the city according to the old Romans I’m writing about), but it’s 2002 according to the secular majority here in America. The Common Era, due to thousands of years of western intellectual tradition, is based on the Gregorian (Christian) Calendar. Deal.

Another Gratuitous Test

OK, I just had to take this one. Come on, don't roll your eyes at me like that, it's about Farscape!

What Farscape Character are you?

I always figured I was a Dargo type... Oh well. (Via Sarge)

Cookoo, Cookoo

Bill Shatner was just on Hannity and Colmes, and good god the man was being a fruitcake. I mean Rocket Man fruity. He went on for about 5 minutes about how the Internal Combustion Engine was going to destroy mankind within like 30 years. Apparently part of his new book parrots that retarded World Wildlife Fund study claiming the world will end in 2050. Like some Heavens Gate retard waiting for Hale-Bopp, Shatner chants the moronic environmentalist dogma.

Shatner's comments irritate me, but don't exactly surprise me. He is an actor and all... Actually, the excerpt from Shatner's book is a decent outline of the problems inherent in intersteller space travel (and how that relates to sci-fi) and is relatively well written. Plus it doesn't touch on any of the goofyness he discussed tonight.

Most irritating, though, was Colmes, who I can't stand (I'm no fan of that Hannity idiot either) thinking how right Shatners enviro-doom stupidity was. This from the guy who's always claiming things need to be looked at rationally and understood from all angles. Ye gods I want to punch somebody. Serves me right for watching FOX I guess...

The Robots OF DOOM!

Even though Comedy Central has canceled the robot combat show, Battlebots, StrategyPage brings word that the fine technology behind it is being put to use on the hunting grounds of Afghanistan:

September 18, 2002; US soldiers have used a robot in combat for the first time while hunting for al Qaeda leaders near Narizah, Afghanistan. Fester is a 40-pound robot tank fitted with cameras. It is able to move at nine mph, climb stairs, and survive heavy shocks....

...Future versions of Fester will carry better sensors, better communications, and a 12-guage shotgun.

A Rock And A Hard Place

I think I was on the same page as Spoons when I heard that Saddam Hussein had granted weapons inspectors “unfettered access”. A little confused sheepish voice saying, “well, what da we do now?” echoed through my brain.

Of course, after taking a second to think about it, I realized that this was factored into Dubya’s grand plan. At this point feigned surrender to the UN is Saddam’s only option. Condi, Rummy and tricky Dicky had to have seen this coming, and will have to have come up with a counter to this move.

Green points out this response from the White House, pointing out that this isn’t even a discussion until a Security Council resolution gets passed.

Here’s my prediction: A resolution will get passed, but inspectors won't be entering Iraq for 3 months, with a year passing before a report on their findings even gets issued. The Bushies will rightfully claim this is unacceptable, and the war is on by early to late-November.

The Kid Sister

I'm not sure if this is a good thing for the family reputation, but the Mojo Kid Sister is putting the final touches to her own newly Movable Type-enhanced blog.

Huzah.

More Stupid Tests

I WAS A STRANGE CHILD
there are no words to describe you.
except maybe: strange. unique. different.
what kind of child were you?
(brought you by april)

This should come as no suprise to anyone...

(Link via Shell)

A Lazy Sunday (Or How I Killed Punk Rock In One Easy Step)

If there’s such a place as punk rock hell, I think I’ve earned a very special place in it after today. Yes friends, I present to you my very own version of the Sex Pistols classic, Anarchy In The UK (1.2 megabyte mp3 file), recorded in my apartment this very evening.

I’d long planned to do a folked-out Elliot Smith-esque version, but as I was getting belligerently drunk on Friday night, listening to the Old 97’s, a wonderful thought struck me: the only thing more anti-punk than folk, is country. Thus the new version quickly took form in my head, and hilarity thus enraptured my brain.

Well, my guitar work ain’t the best, and I’m not the world’s best singer, oh, and the recording quality sucks too. But I still crack up every time I listen to it.

And, yes, I do spend my weekends thinking up stupid shit like this. I desperately need to get a life...

Ugh...

The Seahawks are doomed. 0-2 to start the season. So much for the new frigging stadium. How much longer does Holmgreen's damn contract go for?

Oh well, I started rootin' for Oakland a few years back anyways...

The One Complaint

I've only got one complaint with Bush's speech to the UN: Nuclear is pronounced Nuk-le-er, not Nuk-u-lar. Good lord, this pronounciation bugs the bejesus outta me. Where the hell is that U coming from??? It's like when folks who pronounce Washington as Warshington. Sheesh...

I shouldn't be such a dialect bigot, I start talking with a drawl after a few beers (why, I don't know. Born and raised in Seattle). But goddamn, that pronounciation really does rub me the wrong way.

Goddamn Hippie Hug-Freaks

Tim Blair brings us word that the much hyped "World Hug Day" is indeed a religiously motivated ploy by some Guru in New York, and not the secular, feel-good event all the damn touchy-feely people have claimed.

I'd like to take this opportunity to remind my readers that CaptainMojo.com is a hug-free site.

I think Bart Simpson put it best.

Latest Janet Reno Joke

Heard randomly on the radio this morning:

Guy 1:
“So it looks like after narrowly losing her primary in Florida yesterday, Janet Reno’s going to follow the same path as Al Gore.”

Guy 2:
“How’s that?”

Guy 1:
“She’s going to gain 40 pounds and grow a beard...”

[da-dum-dum]

Why did Will Ferril have to leave SNL? This situation would have been perfect for him.

At Least The Man Has Good Taste

Well, we survived the 9-11 anniversary without so much as a pipe bomb going off, so I think life’s gradually returning to normal. As more evidence of this, I present the following “news” item:

LOS ANGELES, California (Reuters) -- A "drooling, droopy-eyed" Nick Nolte was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol Wednesday after a police officer saw the actor's car swerving across a Malibu highway.

Actually, my intention is not to point out how vapid and idiotic celebrity news is. The only reason I bring up this story is to point out the mugshot photo of Nolte I found on Drudge:

Is that not the greatest shirt ever? Now, I’m a connoisseur of loud, obnoxious Hawaiian shirts (in fact, I’m wearing one right now), and let me tell you, that one’s a ‘beaut. Notice how the bright yellow flowers violently clash with the mellower blues, greens, and reds. The words printed in white are just icing on the cake. Magnificent.

One look at ol’ Nick proves how trashed he is, though. Just look at that top button. It’s buttoned! Madness I say.

The Day

Stephen Green pretty much describes what I awoke to a year ago today. Except I don't have a girlfriend, I used the word "fuck" a lot more, and I got very, very drunk that night.

I was waken by my alarm at around 8:00 AM. By this point the first tower had fallen, the Pentagon had been hit, and the second tower was in the process of collapsing. My radio was tuned to an obscure AM oldies station, that keeps its morning DJ stupidity to a minimum. Usually they make a corny joke, tell the name of a song, and start playing it. Not on this day.

Normally I'd hit snooze and sleep in for another hour (I'm not a morning person), but the DJ was crying, and announcing the details of the morning's events. I swear to god, my first groggy, half conscious thought was, "what kind of a sick fucking April fools day joke is this?"

I listened for about 30 seconds, trying to figure out what they were talking about. Suddenly I realized, this ain't April, it's the middle of freaking September. I shot out of bed at that exact moment, and turned on the TV. I don't know what I was expecting at that point, I guess a repeat of the 1993 carbombing. What I saw was Aaron Brown standing infront of the ruins of lower Manhatten. Smoke was everywhere, America's greatest city was being evacuated. The Pentagon was in flames, we couldn't tell how bad. Initial casualty estimates ranged as high as 20,000. We were under attack.

All state and local government facilities were under lock-down. The air traffic system had vanished. The president was in a secret location. Would there be more attacks? Who had attacked us? Where would the first nuke go off? On my way into work, still in shock, I saw something in the sky both horrifying and reassuring at the same time: an F-15 flying a combat air patrol (CAP) over Seattle. It was something I never imagined I’d see in my life. We were flying CAP over our own capital! We were at war, and we were on the defensive.

Me and Cornflake (he was still up here in Sea-town at the time) met for dinner and beers at the local hot-wing joint, as was our Tuesday custom, attempting to attain some kind of normalcy. Of course, the conversation was on a single topic. We had discussed at length in the years before the inevitability of a day like this, we had realized the threats that existed. But in our previous thought experiments, we had only considered two possibilities: a) that we would have many more of the USS Cole or Khobar towers style attacks, deadly, but small scale b) we would have a NBC (Nuclear, Chemical, or Biological) attack on one of our cities. We did not imagine that terrorists would be able to pull off such a large-scale conventional attack.

An even bigger surprise, to me at least, was the response of the general public. After four years of listening to the whining stupidity found on a college campus, I had long feared that in the face of a true attack, the American people would huddle in a fetal position and start sucking their collective thumbs. Patriotism was dead, at least according to the sniveling professors and media types. Aside from me, I thought they were right.

But then something happened. A flag was flown, then another, and, within an hour or two, they were cropping up everywhere. By the time we were at the wing-joint, flags were not only waving on car antennas, but out of the back pocket of the hot waitress who I was in love with. And there was no longer any fear. There was shock, anger, rage, confusion, and sadness, but no fear among any of us.

It’s what I remember most about that day. That when dealing with the greatest disaster to face our nation in 50 years, my degenerate generation did not flee and hide under the covers, but stood up, like generations of Americans before us, and began to look towards our inevitable victory over our new enemies.

37 Year-Old Weenie Conspiracy Nut No Match For 72 Year-Old Astronaut

37 year-old Bart Sibrel, independent filmmaker, television producer and crackpot, was apparently pummeled by former Astronaut and current senior citizen, Buzz Aldren, while filming his next movie. Sibrel has made a career out of denying the moon landings actually happened, and is best known for a dismal “Did We Land on the Moon?” show on FOX a few years back.

Sibrel describes what led to the altercation:

"I approached him and asked him again to swear on a Bible that he went to the moon, and told him he was a thief for taking money to give an interview for something he didn't do," Sibrel told Reuters on Tuesday...

... Sibrel, 37, said he reported the assault to police and was seeking an assault charge against the 72-year-old astronaut.

So let me get this straight, you walk up to some old dude (probably in an aggressive manner), start yelling about the bible, call him a thief, and then are surprised when he smacks you upside the head? And then you’re gonna press charges? What the hell is wrong with this guy? Good god I hate moon-landing revisionists. Most other Conspiracy nuts I can tolerate. I mean, hell, I was one of the UFO worshiping dorks back when I was 13, but the moon hoax crowd has always irritated me above all else. Even more than the JFK freaks.

We went to the moon guys. Those big rockets they built back then, they freaking worked. I’ve seen samples of moon rock, and I’ve had geology professors explain why they could not be earth rocks. I’ve also talked to Astronomers back at my old college who are running experiments using reflectors that were placed on the moon during Apollo.

There is all the evidence in the world showing that we did land on the moon, and none that credibly says we did not. A conspiracy to fake a moon landing back then would have cost as much as the landing itself. Get over it. And stop harassing old Astronauts, you sputtering cockholster.

Old Buzz had every right to stick his foot up this guy’s ass.

Black Francis Speaks

Speaking of Blogcritics they've got an interview with Frank Black up. Love him, hate him, his answers are usually a good read.

Mudhoney: Still Going Strong?

With some bands, you just wish they’d give up and retire. Their creative juices have long since bubbled away. Geezerhood and irrelevance should have naturally come to these artists years ago, but media momentum and a devoted enough fan base keep their withered husks going through the motions. Sure they did some great work back in the day, but they hoover it up now.

Why does anybody want to pay to see an 85 year-old Mick Jagger shake his wrinkled old arthritic ass, while Keith Richards uses controlled rigor mortis to make his undead corpse control his guitar. Have the Stones produced anything of musical value since the late 70’s? What the hell are they doing playing sold out stadium? They should be in geriatric care fer chrissakes, not a tour bus.

Moving a little closer to the subject of this review, look at Pearl Jam. These guys had one good album with their debut Ten (two if you liked Vs, which I didn’t). After this, it was a gradual and steady decline in the quality of their output, and the entertainment level of their shows, until we’re left with a band that’s nothing but a Naderite ad campaign with a whiney, Mohawk-topped frontman. Yet they persevere and continue to make albums and tour long after we all stopped caring. Why?

To many of us who grew up in the midst of the early 90’s Seattle music scene, Mudhoney were the finest of old-guard Seattle rockers. With their fuzzed-out guitars and blues-tinged sound, Mudhoney invented what would later be called "Grunge", a label that would later be used to describe nearly every band coming out of Seattle in the 90’s, regardless of how grungy they actually sounded (how did Vedder and Co. get wrapped into this bunch?). Still, while dozens of Seattle bands were hitting the mainstream left and right, the boys of Mudhoney were left relatively ignored.

While Kurt Cobain was getting felated by the world and hating it, Mudhoney was working hard and releasing the landmark Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge on SubPop. The band was prolific throughout the 90’s, with a number of great side projects as well (for one of the greatest albums of the last decade, check out the first album from Mark Arm and Steve Turner’s side band Monkeywrench). As Grunge was being pronounced dead, they released what is still my favorite of their albums (although many fans disagree with me on this), My Brother The Cow on Reprise (the label that dropped them after ‘98’s Tomorrow Hit Today)

Since their 1988 debut, Mudhoney has survived a decade and a half of shifting music scenes and neglect from the wider music world. With their first new album since 1998, we must ask: have they avoided the soul sucking crapulence that haunts so many other bands that continue on into their second decade?

The short answer is, "yes". The slightly longer answer is, "Of course they have you schmuck, this is Mudhoney we’re talking about here." The even longer answer is discussed below.

Since We've Become Translucent is the band’s first new studio album since bassist Matt Lukin left the band in 1999, replaced by Guy Maddison (joining the three other original members, Mark Arm, Steve Turner, and Dan Peters). This may seem like sacrilege to old-time fans, but he seems to fit pretty well with the band. Also added, somewhat surprisingly to me at least, was a horn section.

Every Mudhoney album has a unique sound, while retaining a core Mudhoney feel, but I’ll admit I was worried about the horns. All I could imagine was some kind of overwhelming Ska or Jazz sound trying to merge with the sweet, sweet MH fuzz. My fears were, of course, foolish. The horns are only used on a few songs, and when they are, they accentuate rather than overpower. Where The Flavor Is and Take It Like a Man are two tracks where the brass is strong, and they’re both killer songs.

Aside from a first track that’s a bit long for my tastes, every song is a good one. In terms of songwriting, I’d say it’s somewhere between Every Good Boy and My Brother The Cow. Tracks vary from the straightforward The Straight Life to the long, venting, Sonic Infusion, but all are straight-up Mudhoney.

The new album is good. Not my favorite disc from Arm and company, but that’s no knock when you consider the constant quality that these guys put out. They may be getting older (Arm is now in his 40s), but they ain’t slowing down.

And if there’s one band I want rockin’ out until they’re in their walkers and wheelchairs, it’s Mudhoney.

[Also posted on Blogcritics]

MTV Is Great... For Me To Poop On

Treacher's got a link to Conan O'Brian's replay of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog's portion of the VMA ceremony, including the little spat with Eminen.

Bring It On Motherfucker

In my opinion, everyone overreacted to Adrian Hamilton’s anti-American piece in the UK Independent. It was dumb, but obviously satire. However, here’s a guy who I think honestly takes the idea of transatlantic warfare seriously (link via William Quick, via Steven Chapman).

If this Paul Treanor fellow is typical of Europeans (he ain’t, I can say, from the few Euros I personally know), then a war against them is not only inevitable, but desirable. Treanor is the very worst of the old-world nationalists. His is the logical viewpoint of the collectivist. Nationalism, of this man’s bent, is the final outcome of group mentality (go read the rest of his shite for details of his crapulence).

Nations, according to his outlook, are built on ethnicity and ancient continuity, not the consent of the individuals governed. Rightfully, Treanor and those like him, believe that a libertarian belief system is universal in scope, that those of us who believe in individual sovereignty think all people should live in a free system that allows them to choose their own way of life. Yup, he’s right, I think all people should live a life of their own choosing, whether that involves becoming a beatnik poet, an industrialist, or some kind of hive-mind experimentalist, each according to his own desire. As long as a man can make his own way in the world he should be able to live as he chooses.

To me, these individual rights are the highest ideals and virtues. To him, they are a burden for the greater good. To me the nation-state exists solely to protect the rights of individual men (or women, I use the word men in the general sense for all mankind). To him the nation exists of its own right.

I am no enemy of the nation-state, I realize that the national system is essential to modern civilization, but I realize I exist for my own benefit, and not that of any ethnic tribe or clan. I am a patriot. I know that my nation provides the greatest opportunity in the world, that my rights are protected under the current system. As soon as that system betrays those rights, I will rebel against it. Not for any altruistic reason, but for simple self interest. I’ll die to protect myself, and those genetically close to me. If I ever have children, I’ll make sure that they can live under the same system, even if it costs me my life.

I’d do these things not for the continuation of history, or of my race, but to preserve myself. The self is important not the group.

I know that these are the very things that Paul Treanor hates. The government of the United States is based on law, not on blood. Foreigners are welcome, as long as they’re willing to abide by the law and earn their keep. Our culture, as a group phenomenon, constantly changes to accept new influences. Expansion, whether territorial, economic, or cultural, is inevitable for us. It is also relatively peaceful in consideration of the old world’s history. The pansy-ass post-modernists may have stolen the concept, but strength in diversity is a fact, and it’s seen our nation’s rise to the top of the world pecking order.

Ol’ MLK got one thing seriously right: man should not be judged by his appearance or heritage, but by his ideas and character. If someone is scum, I will despise him and wish only misery upon him. If someone is decent and honest, I will offer him my friendship and goodwill. I don’t care where he comes from, even if he comes from France (difficult to believe, I know). Individuals matter. Groups, and group identity, can suck on my big fat dong. And Paul Treanor and his ethnically minded buddies can fuck themselves raw for all I care, as long as they have no power over me and mine.

I just wish we really could go to war against idiot crackpots like him.

Quote Of The Day

“When an iron worker can’t yell at a hot broad crossing the street, the terrorists have won.”

-Adam Carolla, The Man Show

Run It Up The Flagpole And I'll Salute

In news that I missed earlier in the week, the Navy has ordered all ships to fly the First Navy Jack (shown above, and also proudly displayed on Stephen Green's site), instead of the traditional Union Jack for the duration of the Terror War.

According to the history books, this flag was first flown by Commodore Esek Hopkins, first commander of the Continental Navy in 1775, before he began his attacks on British. Prior to this announcement, the flag was flown on the oldest ship in the fleet (currently the 41 year-old carrier Kitty Hawk).

According to the ol' family tradition, the good commodore is a distant ancestor of yours truly, so this news is welcome. My only question, to those among my readers who might know, is whether this is the flag referred to as "Hopkins' Flag", or whether that name should be applied to the coiled snake "Gadsen's Flag" said to be flown by Commodore Hopkins a year later in 1776? Or was only the the Navy Jack flown?

Finally Out Of Those Damn Shoes

So the wedding is done with, and it came off pretty well. Aside from the minister trying to put the groom's ring on the bride, and the sound system crapping out during the first dance, everything went splendidly. My toast was well received, and the happy couple are on their way to cruising the Caribbean for a week. My best wishes, of course, to Josh and Holli.

For the record, here's the poem I wrote for the reception toast. What it lacks in rhythmic structure it makes up for in rushed writing and poor organization (it's all in the delivery folks). But my intentions were good:

To My Friend On His Wedding Day

He’s been the best among my friends,
Since our high school years of yore,

And on this greatest of his days,
I’ll tell you a little of his ways.

Him the yearbook did comprehend
Most likely to conquer the world, it said.

He always had the best of plans,
And knew your middle name off-hand

The only route for him was up,
The sky the limit, no door shut.

While from this path he did not stray,
There was one hitch along the way.

His Bachelor days were doomed to die,
As soon as he looked in her eyes.

You see, he met his match that day,
And now we know, she’s here to stay.

She was the woman of his dreams,
A partner for his plans and schemes
Apart they were a mighty force,
Together, they’re invincible.

And now the day is here at last,
The deal is done, the die is cast.

And all that I can think to say,
Is, world, stay out of their way.

Well, that's it for me tonight. I'm gonna chug a few beers and sleep for about 20 hours.

My Poor Feet...

You would not believe the freaking week I've had. I learned last friday that I was going to be working a conference all this week doing video captures. 100 hours of presentations spread over three days. I'm a programmer / tech writer in real life, but there was a major computer portion that I needed to be there to set up and supervise.

The 14 hour days of endless walking I didn't have much problem with. Getting up at 5:30 AM was a bit rough, as I'm normally a lazy bastard who strolls into work around 10:30, but I could deal. Even hearing walky talkie beeps in my sleep was something I could handle. The weak point in the whole adventure was my feet.

The dress code required no tennis shoes. I just bought a new pair of dress shoes a month ago(my only non-tennis shoes), which are nice shoes, but not meant for all-day walking. Being new, they were very stiff. As an added bonus of stupidity on my part, I wore thin socks. The balls of my feet were solid blisters by day 2, and the shoes rubbed the back of my heals raw. My world is pain.

Aside from that, it was a pretty cool gig. I always like it when I get a chance to do AV work. The people I was working with were all excellent.

No rest for the wicked, though. I'm best man at my friend's wedding tomorrow, so I'll be wearing the shoes one more day (I'm beggining to hate these damn things). No more blogging tonight. I've got to finish writing my reception toast. Maybe I'll post it when I'm done...

Working On Labor Day

I've learned a valuable lesson today: when you're carrying a clipboard around, nobody fucks with you, even if you're wearing a retarded looking nametag saying you're a filthy cockholster, 3rd class. If anyone questions you, ya just start scribbling on that clipboard while you answer, looking stern as you stare at their nametag, and you can put the fear of god into 'em. Pavlovian responses for our bureaucratic age, I guess.

Clipboards rock...

Referrals, Referrals...

Checking my trusty ol' referral logs, I notice that August has been my best month yet in terms of unique visitors. I’m no Quick or Green, in terms of readership, but what I lack in numbers I think I make up in quality. ;)

My thanks to all the kind bloggers who have linked to me, and a special sloppy blog smooch to the dozen or so who’ve got captainmojo.com bookmarked. Y’all rock.