All Bond, All The Time.

TNN is playing Bond movies all weekend, to which I can only say, "hell yeah." As I've always said, the only thing better than a Bond movie is a Bond movie marathon. I, like most healthy young men, have grown up with James Bond as a role model, a mythological character filled with an amor de la vida, a fierce vitality, that we can all only try to emulate in the least. Plus he blows shit up and nasties every pretty thing that passes him by.

Now, we all know that Connery was the greatest of all possible Bonds, but, one of the greatest debates argued between modern thinking men is, "which Bond, aside from Connery, is the best?" No simple question. There's George Lazenby, the one time JB who stared in 1969's On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Roger Moore, the smirking Bond of the seventies and early eighties, Timothy Dalton, the dour and serious agent of the late eighties and early nineties, and the heir apparent to Connery's legacy, our current Pierce Brosnan.

Of course, Lazenby is instantly disqualified, because, well, he only had one movie, and, to be honest, he sucked ass. His miserable performance brought On Her Majesty's Secret Service down from being a decent Bond flick to being shit (and anything in the late-sixties that Diana Rigg is in should be pure gold!). Dalton is also extracted from most discussions, since his bond was amazingly anal-retentive, and never looked like he was having a good time (this is vital to a Bond).

That leaves Moore and Brosnan. Brosnan has the swagger, the looks, but I think he lacks soul. Many will disagree with me on this, but Moore actually rivals Connery in his 007 greatness. These are two very different Bonds, to be sure, but more has many things working in his favor. First of all, Connery is Scottish, Lazenby was freaking Australian, Dalton was Welsh, and Brosnan is a damned, dirty Irishman, but Moore is actually an Englishman. And James Bond was, above all else, an English hero.

Then there's the facial expressions. Moore had the most effective smirk of all the Bonds. The raised eyebrow was also most effective, more so than Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy combined. As Frank Zappa will tell you, it's all in the eyebrows. And then there's the one-liners. The Moore Bond was all about the well timed one-liner. Silly? Perhaps, but Bond must be able to deliver these petty quips on demand. Plus I think, of all the Bonds, Moore looked best in a Royal Navy uniform. He was a Commander in the queen's service after all:

Many would argue that the films of the Moore era were far too outlandish to be good. Certainly the retarded space adventure of Moonraker matches well this complaint. It's certainly bad, but has many good points in its defense (Dr. Holli Goodhead anyone?). The Spy Who Loved Me, with an equally outlandish plot (the giant sea base?), is considered by most to be one of the series' finest. And I don't care what anybody says, Jaws was cool. No ifs ands or buts about it.

Who in the hell expects realistic plots from a James Bond movie? The title character is a "spy" who plays big-stake baccarat and announces his real name loudly to every major enemy agent or criminal gang in a ten square mile area ("Bond, James Bond"). He bones any female he encounters regardless of age, nationality, intelligence, threat level, or original gender (remember Grace Jones? ughhh...), and after 40 years, shows no mental sign of the obviously horrendous case of syphilis he has. He's also a terminal alcoholic who seems to have no trouble shooting straight. This is certainly not the real world, so don't expect realism.

I'm a Walking Freaking Stereotype

I swear, it's like this quiz read my freaking mind...

Dude! You have an American Attitude! Sweet!
You're a gun-toting, bar-dancing, ya'll-saying, t.v. show-copying,
war-waging, ass-patting, hamburger over-eater.
Take the What the Hell Kinda Attitude is That? Quiz at aka cooties

Via the newly engaged Andrew Ian Dodge, over at Sasha Castel's joint.

Let The Leftovering Commence!

Well, Turkeyday is complete, and now my fridge is full of leftovers from Mom's delicious thanksgiving feast. It is a fine, fine holiday.

How the wussy edge of the political spectrum could have such a problem with the great feast confounds me. I mean, c'mon Moby, does this bird deserve to live?

And the purveyors of the dreadfully hideous Tofurky must all be rounded up and handled with extreme prejudice. Fucking savages.

About Damn Time...

Mark Steyn, supreme poobah pundit and international man of mystery, finally has himself a site. Praise Buddha!

Via Andrea Harris

Santa Sells Out

Dammit to all hell! Steve Jobs has bought the soul of the great Will Ferrell. Actually, these are the only switch ads that haven't completely infuriated me.

These two spots are actually really damn funny. No retards whining about how they can't figure out the two button mouse or idiot stoned girls going "beep-beep-beep". It beats the hell out of that assmonger Jeff Goldblum masturbating over an iMac, that's for sure...

link via Kevin over at LAP.

A Bad Reputation... or Something

Tim Blair brings us news that Joan Jett, rock goddess in good standing, is pissed. Rolling Stone magazine's latest Women In Rock feature has lots of women, but little rock. As Jett puts it in an open letter to RS on her website (scroll down to see it):

I tried to find some cleverly worded way to express my disgust with your "Women in Rock" issue, but what i have to say is really quite simple: You guys are completely retarded.

By RS standards, Rock is no longer a style of music but a trendy costume to be whipped up by expensive stylists and slapped onto the latest pop tart barbie doll. Give a girl some tight pants and a spiky bracelet and POOF! She ROCKS!

A brief look at the RS.com feature she speaks of gives proof that the magazine's editors are indeed retarded. Britney Spears? Nelly Furtado? Mandy More? Sharon freaking Osbourne?!? What does the word "Rock" mean to these auto-fellating marketing poofs? Stevie Nicks, whose last meaningful contribution to music took place years before my birth, made the list, right alongside the Britney of pseudo punk, Avril Lavign.

What about the Donnas? The Yeah Yeah Yeahs? The Distillers? A mag like RS has the power to shine important light on groups like these--instead they are afterthoughts, and that valuable spotlight is wasted on the same overexposed pop princesses WHO HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ROCK.

My sentiments exactly. And what about Bikini Kill, or the Hissyfits, or a million other good female rock acts that no one ever hears about. Rolling Stone has always dealt in the pop world, which is fine and all, but calling these prefab performers rock is insanely off-base.

Jett is entirely justified in her rage over being passed over. She was not just an amazing female act, she was an amazing rock act period. Have these clowns even heard I Love Rock And Roll before Britney butchered it? Bad Reputation? Or how about the Blackheart version of Crimson And Clover? And her recent tour in Afghanistan to support our troops? Oh, I could write a list of Jett's mighty accomplishments, of how she's influenced and completely rocked-out two generations of musicians and fans, but these swine would be too busy reviewing Alanis Morissette's latest whining opus to notice any real rock.

But this complete lack of taste or knowledge should be no surprise to anyone who has watched RS collapse into irrelevance over the last decade. Who reads Rolling Stone any more? Not me. Face it editor-boys, you're printing the equivalent of Tiger Beat for emotionally retarded adults.

Oh, and, from the sounds of this letter, Ms. Jett needs to start up a blog...

Update: As Jessa points out in the Blogcritics comments, I suck. The letter was not written by Jett herself, but by a fan, and Jett just posted it to her site. I can't remember the attribution at the end being there yesterday, but hey. Regardless, it still speaks the brutal and honest truth about RS's asstastic march forward...

Also Posted to Blogcritics

Ahh, Shitty Sci-Fi...

There's nothing better than drunkenness and bad science fiction. And nothing's better while drunk than a bad sci-fi movie made when I was exceptionally young. One of the myriad of cable channels I get just played the entire V: The Final Battle mini series.

Oh, man, I hadn't seen this thing since it originally aired when I was six. Well, it sure seemed a lot cooler then. I mean, I love me some cheesy alien invasion movies, but good lord. Of all the reasons to invade earth, harvesting humans for food and southern California's water(!) supply? And that star-child bulllshit, ugh... Why is it all alien beam weapons are always as accurate as a chipmunk with diarrhea. Man, these lizards are dumb as shit. Like pot-smoking Nazis.

The special effects were pretty good at the time, but the acting is some of the worst ever. Ever. The only bright spots are performances by Freddie Kruger himself, Robert Englund (who isn't really good in this one, but it's Freddie...), and B-movie staple Michael Ironside as the "evil" ex-CIA operative. Ironside's character is the only redeeming one in the entire series, as he argues for common-sense solutions like, "lets kill all aliens". A direct quote from his wisdom:

I may bring the neighborhood down, but they'll eat it.

Beautiful.

Anyways, I learned an important lesson from this show when I was a kid: all beauty really is skin deep. While the evil villainess Diana is, in reality, a scaly lizard that eats parakeets whole, she wears the outer skin of a foxy brunet.

(hubba hubba)

Perhaps this wasn't the best movie for dad to let my six-year-old ass stay up and watch. I spent the next six years believing every pretty woman was really, underneath her outer skin layer, an evil bird-eating lizard intent on taking over the world. Then puberty hit, and, while my worldview never really changed, I mysteriously wanted to get very much closer to those evil bird-eating lizards. But, I digress. This post is not meant to discuss my relationship issues...

For All The Paranoid Schizophrenics Reading...

...And I know you're out there.

Are you tired of looking silly in your tin foil hats, but afraid to let your guard down in the face of CIA / Zionist Conspiracy / Bush Family / Soviet / Frankenstein Computer God mind control beams? Well, my fashioned minded friend, there is an answer. The EMF Safety Garment Store has all your protection needs covered, with electromagnetically shielded apparel of all sorts. For the mind control set, there is the lovely baseball cap. For those afraid of the heart-stopping death ray, but still need to attend that important meeting, there's the Deluxe Shielding Dress Shirt. And of course there's the shielded boxers, 'cause God knows what THEY're trying to do down there...

Link via Memepool

The Only Thing Worse Than A Jew-Hater Is A Crazy Chess Playing Jew-Hater

Pejman Yousefzadeh, chess aficionado, links to this story in The Atlantic on the decline into insanity of chess great Bobby Fischer. I've never had any skill at the game, but the raw insanity of this man is fascinating. He started out so promising:

Fischer's accomplishment cannot be overstated. A brash twenty-nine-year-old high school dropout, armed with little more than a pocket chess set and a dog-eared book documenting Spassky's important games, had single-handedly defeated the Soviet chess juggernaut. Spassky had a wealth of resources at his disposal to help him plot moves, including thirty-five grand masters back in the Soviet Union. Fischer, on the other hand, had two administrative seconds who served essentially as companions, and Bill Lombardy, a grand master, whose role was to help analyze games. However, Fischer did almost all the analysis himself—when he bothered to do anything. "After the games were adjourned, all the Soviets would go back to Spassky's hotel room to plan for the next position," recalls Don Schultz, one of the seconds. "Lombardy said to Fischer, 'That's a difficult position. Let's go back to the hotel and analyze it.' Fischer said, 'What do you mean, analyze? That guy's a fish. Let's go bowling.'"

But ended up such an insane, delusional, and pathetic fuck:

But even the Fischer apologists had to throw up their hands when he took to the Philippine airwaves on September 11, 2001. In an interview broadcast this time by Bombo Radyo, a small public-radio station in Baguio City, Fischer revealed views so loathsome that it was impossible to indulge him any longer. Just hours after the most devastating attack on the United States in history, in which thousands had died, Fischer could barely contain his delight. "This is all wonderful news," he announced. "I applaud the act. The U.S. and Israel have been slaughtering the Palestinians, just slaughtering them for years. Robbing them and slaughtering them. Nobody gave a shit. Now it's coming back to the U.S. Fuck the U.S. I want to see the U.S. wiped out."

Among the other views Fischer rants about, he seems to believe junk food is part of the World Zionist Conspiracy since Dunkin' Donuts was founded by a Jew. Now, if this is true, all I can say is, hurray for the World Zionist Conspiracy! I hope they succeed. Just imagine a world with a Donut shop on every corner and Mel Brooks ruling us like a king. It would be freaking sweet! C'mon, you know it would!

Google Hilarity

This is freaking great. I'm #20 on Google for the search terms "Phil Donohue". My dislike of Phil is long on record, and the greatest part of this little tidbit of info is which entry it actually links to. Hohohohoho!

More Proof That God Loves Us, And Wants Us To Be Happy

Much derision has been heaped upon the painting, "Self Portrait of a Martyr" by Denver student artist Cong Lu, for obvious reasons. The good Doc Weevil has suggested this painting is ripe for modification, and who am I to argue. I mean, the man's a Doctor fer chrissakes.

So here's my interpretation of the work, which combines both a mockery of the artist's original, and an important social message. Enjoy.

Turning frowns into smiles through the power of modern technology.

Where Is Mojo?

OK, my posting has been freaking non-existant light lately. There are a number of factors contributing to this:

-Laziness

-A nasty cold

-Nothing to write about

-Earning a living

-My new gadget

-An addictive video game (yes I know I'm a giant dork)

The gadget is a SiPix Blink Digital Mini Camera, as featured prominantly at ThinkGeek (although available at a cheaper price over on Amazon). It is not a very good digital camera. In fact, calling it a digital camera is somewhat misleading. It is a toy. It's limited to 640x480 images (stored as heavily compressed jpgs). It has no flash, it's doesn't work well indoors or at night, the edges of the image is always slightly blurry, it has a long exposure time (no action shots and a steady hand needed), and you can't take closeups. The picture downloading program makes all kinds of annoying sounds when you move images to your PC. Oh, and the memory is volatile, so if the battery (a single AAA) goes, so do all the pictures you've got stored in the camera.

Now, why, with all these drawbacks, am I still happy with my purchase? Well, price is one thing. At around $35 on Amazon, it's not exactly breaking my bank. Although the image quality is poor, it holds up to 100 pictures, and connects to my laptop's USB port for quick transfers. And the big neat feature: size. The camera is 2"x2" on the sides, and about 1/2 inch thick. It really is puny. That means it goes in my jacket pocket everywhere I go, just in case I see something cool I want to remember. A sample I took on my way to work this morning:

It's no replacement for a real, honest to god, 4 megapixel digital camera (which is probably next on my gadget list). It's a toy, but it's a pretty fun toy.

As for even more wastful uses of time, the video game Strategic Command has hooked me. The spiritual successor to the old dos game Clash Of Steel (voted all time best video game, ever, by me), SC is a hex based WWII game that lets you control the entire war from '39 to 46. As anyone who knows me is aware, I relish the oppportunity to kill Nazis more than anything else in the world, and killing them in mass is too much fun to resist. Thus blogging has suffered.

But fear not, dear readers, as my faithful abstract video game soldiers prepare to liberate Europe from Hitler's tyranny, I too feel a resurgent blogging élan building in my writing innards. Stay tuned...

The History Channel Finally Does It Right

I know what I want for christmas:

The History Of Britain

and

Founding Brothers

Both finally on freaking DVD! Life is good.

Ho-ho-ho

The holiday season is officially here. I don't mean that thanksgiving is coming, or the shopping malls with drunken Santas harassing children. No indeed. Something even more wondrous and good is here, welcoming in your various Yule festivities.

I speak of none other than the Maritime Pacific Brewery's landmark Jolly Roger Christmas Ale. Yes, the thick, malty, delicious brew that screams "drink heavily before selecting christmas gifts for your parents" is at local stores, for but a short time.

Yay, verily, it is good. Seattleites rejoice!

The Political Birds Of Prey

Andrew Sullivan's "Eagle" concept fascinates me. Not that there's anything new or unique in the concept of small "l" libertarians who are pro-defense, who hate the looting Democratic party, but don't trust the insane god-boys in the GOP either. However, giving these political vagabonds a catchy name has a definite appeal. At least it does for me, being one of these political hobos.

As the word "liberal" has become associated with the collectivist nanny state, the term "libertarian" is increasingly suspect, either associated with the corrupt, the clueless, or the outright insane.

We need a new label.

Those who don't like to label things need to wake up. Labels matter. Ideas need to have nice little abstract packages for quick and convenient distribution. I'm sick to death of having to spend 20 minutes to describe the basic fundamentals of political views, because I lack a label. Labels make life easier. We need a new label, and I like the symbolism of the Eagle. So I say go for it. Yay, Eagles!

Just think of it like this: Doves are really just white pigeons, and pigeons are dumb, disgusting creatures that eat garbage and crap everywhere. Hawks subsist on small rodents, and sometimes unfortunate doves. But Eagles, they eat salmon. And salmon tastes fucking good. I think that says it all right there.

I Need To Get Me A Gun

Which Firearm are you? brought to you byStan Ryker

Yes... This seems appropriate to me.

Via G.C. Mandrake

Gaze Into My Crystal Ball

Tonight, the Iraqi "parliament" is going to "vote" on whether or not to cooperate with UN Resolution 1441, passed by the Security Council last week. Saddam Hussein has until Friday to accept the resolution and prepare for inspectors. If he refuses, war is certain. If he plays along, the war starts as soon as he screws with the inspectors. He'll never be stronger than he is now, so I suspect he'll refuse. Either way, though, he will violate the resolution, and then the Security Council will meet to "discuss" the issue.

The following is how I expect that to go:

THE UN SECURITY COUNCIL MEETING CHAMBER, NYC

All of the UNSC members, with the exception of the American ambassador, have gathered. Word has spread of Iraq's non-compliance, and France has called an emergency council meeting.

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
Where is that damn American? We have most important business to discuss. Britain, do you know where he is?

BRITISH AMBASSADOR
Oh, yes, I'm told he'll be along shortly. Busy chap you know.

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
This is outrageous! We've been waiting an hour already. We must discuss the Iraqi situation immediately! There must be immediate deliberation and debate.

MAURITIAN AMBASSADOR
Well, Hussein did fuck up pretty bad, dude. There's that whole material breach thing. Whaddya want to do about it?

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
Well... Well... I don't know yet. We need to look at how we got to this point. I was assured that the Iraqi government would be very thorough about hidin...

BRITISH AMBASSADOR
(eyes France quizzically...)

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
...er, I mean, we need to look very carefully at all the issues involved in this crisis. Russia, don't you agree?

RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR
Yeah, sure man... (looks at crisis headlines leading the copy of the New York Times on the table) Ya know, I could really use a drink... (shuffles through briefcase for a few moments) ...damn, hey, it looks like I'm out of booze. Anybody else got any? Whiskey maybe? Ireland, I'm looking in your direction.

IRISH AMBASSADOR
Why does everyone always expect me to have whiskey? That's a goddamn dirty stereotype.
...
Ah, who the hell am I kidding? (checks bag, and pulls out fifth of Jack Daniels) I'll pour. I don't think we have any ice though...

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
Dammit! Will you guys focus. This is important. China, don't you have anything to say?

CHINESE AMBASSADOR
(shrugs shoulders and lights cigarrette)

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
Norway, surely you see the great importance of further investigation and discussion.

NORWEIGIAN AMBASSADOR
France, although you smell bad and you are a repugnant little sissy, we completely agree with you in hating George Bush and his imperialist America, with all its evil McDonalds and Starbucks and lord how we hate that bastar... oh... I mean, yes, we believe a full investigation and debate of the current situation is needed.

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
What about the rest of you? Don't you have anything to say?
...
(crickets chirping)
...
Syria, you've been awfully quiet? Surely, being so near the area, you have something important to add to any discussion.

SYRIAN AMBASSADOR
Hey, I'm already on the American's shit list. After today, the less I say, the better off I am.

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
What do you mean, "after today"?

The door suddenly opens, and the American ambassador enters with a small entourage. He quickly distributes some papers to all the other ambassadors sitting at the conference, and sets up an easel with some maps on it. Russia quickly gulps down his drink and motions for Ireland to pour another.

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
It's about time you showed up. This delay has been mo..

AMERICAN AMBASSADOR
Gentlemen, I apologize for the delay, but I had urgent business in Washington, and getting a flight to New York was tricky, what with all the military flights clogging the airways.

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
Military flights!?! What are you talking abo...

AMERICAN AMBASSADOR
France has called this meeting to discuss our current situation. As of last night, Iraq is in violation Security Counsel Resolution 1441. As I'm sure you'll all be glad to know, the United States and Great Britain have already taken steps to ensure that, under the authorization of this and previous UN resolutions, the government of Saddam Hussein is removed and Iraq can finally be disarmed.

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
Steps!?! What is the meaning of this? What have you do...

AMERICAN AMBASSADOR
Since the American government feels strongly that we need to maintain our dialogue with you, our friends in the security council, Here's what's going on. (points toward the easel, showing a map of Iraq) As you can see on the handouts I just gave you, we've begun our strike on suspected scud missile sites in the west of Iraq using carrier based aircraft and navy cruise missiles. Our Marines and advanced Special Forces teams have established footholds deep in Iraqi territory, and have already secured several large oilfields.

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
Outreageous! Non! Non! This is not what we meant by "discussion"! This is completely unacceptabl...

AMERICAN AMBASSADOR
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to fly to London immediately to consult with Mr. Blair. My assistant's secretary will be available to answer any of your questions. Britain, are you coming?

BRITISH AMBASSADOR
Yes, of course. Sorry to leave so soon gents, but, you know, pressing matters at home and all.

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
But... But...

The American and British Ambassadors leave. There are a few moments of silence as France stares into the distance vacantly.

MAURITIAN AMBASSADOR
So, uh, like what do we do now?
...
(uncomfortable silence)

BULGARIAN AMBASSADOR
(clearing throat) ... Umm, well, you know they've got half price beers today over at the mid-town Hooters. And I helped one of the waitresses get a working visa a couple of years back, so I'm sure she'd hook us up with some free fries or something.

COLUMBIAN AMBASSADOR
Yeah man! I could really dig on some hot wings.

GUINEAN AMBASSADOR
Hell yeah. Hot wings fuckin' rock.

NORWEIGAN AMBASSADOR
And it just so happens I got a coupon in the mail for a free order of onion rings with purchase of $15 or more.

SINGAPORE AMBASSADOR
Sweet! Count me in.

BULGARIAN AMBASSADOR
Then it's decided. To Hooters!

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
But... But...

Everyone, except for the French Ambassador, gets up to leave for lunch.

RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR
Hey, sissy, you coming?

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
But we can't leave! We need to discuss these issues! We need to investigate these matters further! France must have a voice! You just can't leave. You can't!

RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR
Hey man, it's half-price beer we're talking about here. And the Bulgarian guy knows one of the waitresses. All we're gonna do here is listen to how bad your pussy hurts, and I've had quite enough of that over the past couple of months, thank you very much. Besides I hear those Bulgarian chicks have nice racks. (turns and leaves with the rest)

The French Ambassador is left alone at the conference table, weeping. He reaches for his cell phone and dials a number.

FRENCH AMBASSADOR
Yes... Gerhard? Hi... Yeah. Yes, I've been crying a little... Yes, it's been a rough day.
...
ya know, I could really use a hug right now...

Fade to black.

Ominosity Approaching Dangerous Levels

you have an ominosity quotient of eight. you are more ominous than the creators of this quiz. good god. find out your ominosity quotient.

Note to self. The creators of this quiz know to much. They will be dealt with. Oh yes, they will be dealt with... Mwuhahaha.

Via VodkaPundit

You Know The Drill

The Kirbster has gotten himself a new movable-type powered site. The New Pundit Ex Machine digs are at www.seankirby.com. Update your blogrolls accordingly.

The Ford Choice

The Democrats are at a crossroads. With sad old Martin Frost gone from the house minority leadership race, Blue Dog Dem Harold Ford has placed himself in the race. Opposing him is the left-wing Nancy Pelosi, who appears to be ahead in the contest. At stake is the electoral future of the party.

If Pelosi wins, the Dems will seek the warm embrace of unions, nanny state liberals, and the leftist intellectual elite. If Ford wins, the party will try to get the party’s moderate wing back from the apathy that gave the GOP its mighty victory last Tuesday, and engage in a struggle for the centrist swing voters.

How the party expects to survive without appealing to the huge pool of moderate, independent or loosely affiliated voters, is beyond me. This center is the group that has elected every president since Reagan (at least). The leftist base of the Dems will always vote for the Dems, but the moderate Democrats will either switch sides or stay home if the party goes too far to the left. Bill Clinton had this middle. Jimmy Carter had it, and then lost it. Gore had half of it. The Dems last Tuesday didn’t have it, so they lost.

The Donks didn’t lose because they didn’t move far enough to the left. They lost because they didn’t move anywhere at all. There were any number of issues that still divide the American electorate, but the Dems didn’t take advantage of any of them. The Republicans have any number of centrist issues that can be used to attack them, like church and state, almost all of the non-second amendment constitutional issues, Pat Robertson, etc...

Ford, although far from being any kind of idealistic steeple, is the only hope for the Democrats to avoid complete irrelevance. Under Pelosi, the Dems will become the party of mindless opposition, under Ford they have at least the chance of affecting policy debate. With Ford, the dems still have access to all the riches of corporate donations,while maintaining all the fiscal benefits of unions and PACs. Under Pelosi, they can kiss that corporate money goodbye. Many think the Dems don’t need that sweet, sweet corporate money, but they’re very, very wrong.

If democrats care more about their socialist ideal than they do about getting elected, they’ll choose Pelosi. This is probably a more idealistically consistant view, but it’s also self-destructive. If the Dems want to maintain themselves as a viable party in the United States, they’ll select Ford. It’s as simple as that.

Insult To Injury

Now that Gephardt has resigned as minority leader, the leadership of the House Dems will fall to one of these two people:

Oh yes, these are the faces that will take back the congress from those vile Republicans... Bwahahahaha!

I think the Dems' backup plan needs a backup plan here. They're doomed.

A Thousand Words You Say?

This picture:

Val Hoeppner - Argus Leader

Really does say it all, doesn't it?

You could almost feel sympathy for ol' Daschle... Almost.

And Now For The Entertainment

Done working... must hurry for provisions (well, ok, just beer) and get home before the whole show is over...

UPDATE: OK, the supplies are all in: A half-rack of Bud, a bag of beef jerky, a totinos party pizza (ummm, cardboardy...), an order of smoked salmon sushi rolls, and a pack of marb lights. Oh, and a fine bottle of Woodward Reserve bourbin I got as a birthday present, which should be quite delicious. Then there's the shotgun and barricade, just in case. As an added bonus, I I feel an "episode" coming on. Yes, let the electioneering begin...

Watching MSNBC's broadcast of Jeb Bush's victory speech. Does he remind anyone else of John Boy from the The Waltons?

Ehrlich beat Kennedy-Townsend for Maryland Governer. Sweet. Any defeat for the vile Kennedys sounds like sweet justice to me. And what the hell kinda name is Posthumus? I mean, how are you supposed to win with a name like that...

Is Peggy Noonan drunk, high, or both? ...Man I love Norah O'Donnell. Those eyes are just fantastic...

As you might have guessed, I'm mostly watching MSNBC's coverage. CNN keeps showing Paul Begala and Robert Novak, which I find unacceptable, and FOX's Brit Hume is a little too much of a pretentious bastard for my current mood. So I'm left with Chris Matthews, who I actually rather like. Accompanying him is Howard Fineman, who I also view favorably, and democratic pollster Pat Cadell, who I found very good in the 2000 election and again find enjoyable to watch today. Cadell is really pissed off at his party, as he well should be. Peggy Noonan is a ditz, although somewhat entertaining. Donna Brazile seems to be some sort of stubborn Democrat answering machine, “I’m not willing to concede the senate yet,” ad nauseum, is all she says. Although it looks really bad at the moment for the Dems, I can’t really blame her. There are several senate races left, and that’s the game. One more senate seat for the GOP and it’s over with.

On the local front, the Seattle Monorail plan is down by two points, with a quarter of the vote in. In a city election, this could break either way. More importantly, the new gas tax, Referendum 51, is DOA. Even my native Seattle, whose voters have long lived by the “I’ve never seen a tax I didn’t like” motto, has voted this puppy down. Good.

  
Jesus, MSNBC just interviewed Arnold Schwarzenegger. He's obviously not the idiot he seems, even if you hate his proposition, but goddamn, that guy needs to modulate his voice.

The California governer's race is fascinating to watch. Davis is getting punished for his electoral hubris, as the Rep voters have come out in force, while Davis supporters (?) have stayed at home. It looks like Davis might still squeek it out, but it's tight.

With 62% of the vote in, the Monorail is up by 4 points. The gas tax is dead, and the reduction in car taxes is also passing. Muhahaha, Excellent!

Oh, and Carnahan is admitting defeat in Missouri. I think it's time for that sushi...

    
Do smoked salmon rolls really count as sushi? I mean, they’re not really cooked, but the fish isn’t really raw, now is it? Certainly more sushi-like than the vegi rolls all those fruit-balls eat. But I’m no expert on sushi. I only know I really like those delicious s-s rolls with a dash of wasabi. But they’re all gone now, as is the beef jerky and most of the beer. That, and the end of the cable news stations’ top-line reporting, must mean the night is over.

The GOP got control of the senate, but that control is still narrow, and Democrats can still filibuster anything they please. This by no means displeases, nor particularly surprises, me. What I’m more surprised with, however, is the Dems complete failure to make any gains in either the House, or the Governer’s tally. This is a complete failure of the Donkey party, at all levels, and we’re gonna see some major shakeups in the Dem’s leadership between now and ‘04.

The polls said this was tight, but I knew it would slip one way or the other. I was, in my dark, pessimistic, heart, actually expecting the opposite of what happened. But I live in Seattle, so I’m used to the victory dances of nanny-state freaks. The election was tight, as the polls suggested, but the polls were erroring on the wrong side in every close election, which indicates there was something seriously wrong with their sampling methods. Whether this is solely due to the problems with telephone polling as many suggest, or whether it points to deeper problems in methodology, remains to be seen.

On the local scene, the three issues I found most interesting, the gas tax, the Monorail, and the car tax repeal, all went as I desired (and voted for). A unique experience for me in this city, I assure you...

The Republican sweep is by no means a reason to lambada in the streets. The GOP is filled with as many evil totalitarian fucks as the Dems. However, the Pack’s control freak nature is cultural and social in nature, and you just can’t legislate morality, as much as you try. You can, however, legislate a destructive socialized medicine scheme, or some such regulatory scheme, as Dems are so gung-ho to do, and that would be horribly destructive. And then there’s the Dem’s blame America crowd, which has no sibling in the GOP (Pat Buchanan doesn’t have a voice in the party anymore). Which is why I find the Republicans slightly less repugnant than the Democrats. But only by a hair.

But, it was an entertaining night, all considered, and I want to send a homey-g shout out to Stephen Green for feeding me my national results in an easy to swallow format. The Vodkaman rocks. Now I’m gonna finish this last beer, listen to the latest Donnas CD (which seems strangely appropriate tonight), and then, being somewhat drunk, pass out...

Oh, and I know what the Kanji underneath the fish represents, or at least I think I do. Do you?

Funniest Link Of The day, And Unrelated To Politics...

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

Thoughts For The Day

My momma once said, “You don’t have any right to complain about those politicians if you don’t vote.”

Well, I’m planning on doing an awful lot of complaining over the next two years...

At least watching election returns tomorrow should be interesting. My prediction: one way or the other, the pollsters will be very, very wrong. I just don’t trust those sinister statisticians. Too many damn manipulative tricks you can use on the data, and way too many agendas being furthered. Bastards.

As an additional aside, I learned in my previous entry that Word XP’s spellchecker recognizes the word “fucker”. Unfortunately, there’s no entry for it in the program's built-in thesaurus... Still, progress I suppose.

Die Light Rail, Die!

The big choice for me tomorrow, and one that I’ve flip-flopped several times over the past couple of months, has been the proposed construction of a city-wide Monorail system in Seattle. The idea for a Monorail system is 40 years old, and a one-mile track was built for the ’63 world’s fair, which still operates as a tourist trap. It was originally planned to be expanded in the decades following, but any efforts to create a city-wide system were still-born.

This changed in the late 90’s when a few people proposed an expanded Monorail as an alternative to the insanely expensive light rail proposals floating around at the time. The idea was well-received by the majority of Seattleites, but it was hated by the City Council and their vile cohorts, who were already ass-deep in the Sound Transit rail fiasco. An initiative was passed in 1997 securing funds for researching an elevated transit network. City Hall flat-out refused to even look at the issue. In 2000 another initiative was passed, basically telling the council to stop ignoring the voters and get their shit together toot-sweet. Thus the Elevated Transit Company was finally created to look at the issue.

Well, two years later, the ETC has given us a proposal (Citizen Petition No. 1 on tomorrow’s ballot) to create the first line in a new monorail network. It’s gonna be expensive, costing almost $2 billion for a 14-mile track running north-south through several of the city’s biggest neighborhoods. The tax will come from a city-wide vehicle excise tax of 1.4% of a car’s value (determined through a Byzantine calculation of model year and value), which the backers claim will average out to about $150 per car, per year. Like I said, expensive.

Despite what the ETC folks say, the Monorail will not co-exist with ST’s light rail, and this vote is a direct threat to the rail backers, which is why I’ve decided to come out in favor of it. As expensive as the Monorail plan is, light rail is far worse. Sound Transit has had a decade of backing from every level of local, state, and federal government. The result has been a plan that is massively over budget (at least $3-5 billion for a 20 mile system), smaller than originally intended, years behind schedule, will rip apart neighborhoods for god-knows-how-long during construction, and is unlikely to have any sizeable effect on the traffic problem that paralyzes Seattle’s roadways. I hate the Sound Transit plan above all other idiotic things in this city’s political landscape. It’s amazingly bureaucratic, insanely wasteful, horridly unimaginative, and ultimately as impotent as Bob Dole without his little blue pill.

The Monorail initiative is one component of my three-part attack on Sound Transit’s worthlessness. The second component is Initiative Measure 776, another one of our near-yearly tax revolts here in the big W-A, which will put heavy pressure on ST’s funding areas. The third piece of my malevolent little rail-murdering scenario is defeating the evil Referendum 51, a nine-cent a gallon tax hike on gas, which the state plans to misuse in an array of road construction and other hand-waving activities that won’t actually improve anything.

None of these outcomes will permanently kill Sound Transit, as the rail plan is like a big, dumb Frankenstein’s Monster, not getting the hint when the townsfolk approach with torches and pitchforks. However, these three results, if they occur (and the latest polls suggest they will), will seriously weaken ST’s financial and political momentum, and hopefully make the bureau-weenies’ position untenable.

The Monorail may not be a helluva lot better than a rail system at alleviating the city’s traffic, but at least it’s cool. And if we’re gonna get our asses taxed off, it might as well be for something cool. A Monorail will be quicker to build than light rail (thus causing less disruption to commerce and traffic), won’t disembowel existing neighborhoods like the ST plan would, and won’t need super-expensive tunnels to be built. The Monorail will simply be built above the existing road system.

As an added bonus, it’ll screw up a buncha rich downtown condo owners’ views of the cityscape, and after all the draconian building codes they’ve shoved down the city’s throat to secure those views, it serves ‘em right.

The Monorail has gained an almost cult-like devotion among many of its promoters. It has an undeniable appeal: the slick and efficient transportation method of the future (1963’s future at least). Well, we’ve got a global information network, and the president debating the morals of cloning on the TV news, so I guess the Monorail has a gut-level appeal. If the government is going to build a transit system (and it will), it should be something new and innovative, and not some damn 19th century railroad. I hate taxes, but it’s a choice between the forward looking and unobtrusive (and expensive) Monorail, or Sound Transit’s worthless boring (and even more expensive) Light Rail system. There isn’t a none-of-the above choice here, one of them is going to be built. So I’m going for the Monorail, and may Light Rail face God’s wrath.

Full Disclosure: Although I neither drive nor have a current driver’s license, I do legally own a car (don’t ask). However, since it’s a ’68 Plymouth Fury III in mediocre condition, it’s worth maybe three grand, so I won’t be paying much on this deal. Plus I’ll probably sell it within the next year. To charges of hypocritical self-interest, or exploitation of another group of taxpayers, I refer all of you new-SUV-driving yuppie mother-fuckers, who voted for the state Tobacco tax in 2000, to my ass, which you may kiss. It costs me $6 a pack now assholes. Payback is a bitch.

He's Back.

Praise Buddha. Den Beste is back from his gambling vacation and is writing again. Now if only that Blair guy would get back...

Now We Know Why French Rap Is So Bad

If the ghettos of France's immigrant communities are half as bad as this article describes (link via Jim Miller), then the frogs are even more doomed than I thought. Just another reason for them to appease the Islamofascists I suppose...